Observant Musing-Letting Go, Letting In
I have been thinking a lot lately about the concept of letting go and letting in. How difficult it is, but how absolutely necessary it can be. There are different ways and different times in which one lets go, and which one lets in.
One can consciously decide to let go of their career dreams. Maybe they do this because they figure out that the dream is unrealistic. Maybe the dream has become unrealistic due to time constraints, or finances, or insurmountable obstacles. Maybe people let go of their dreams, because no one supports them in it, no one thinks that they are good enough and they let others opinions of them, become more important than their opinion of themself. Maybe people let go of some dreams because they fear failure. Sometimes people let go of the fear of failure, let their dreams back in, and actually pursue them -quite successfully.
Sometimes people let go, when there has been a death of someone cherished. Even if it takes years, one eventually comes to the comprehension, that the loved one isn’t coming back. With time, and conscious effort, one lets the thoughts of “what if they were still alive, but were sleeping, and we buried him/her prematurely?” go. One finally finds the will to put away mementos and items that remind you of that person, in the back of a closet, that you will rarely enter into. Or, you finally allow yourself to bring them back out the closet that you rarely went into. You come to understand that the person may be gone, but s/he won’t be forgotten so, you need not fear the guilt of forgetting them. Because memories have a way of popping up, when you least expect them, and when you most want them. You finally are able to allow those mementos and memories to come, and to share the same space with you-without crying. You let go and you let in.
Sometimes people are too afraid to let go, and that is really the point of this Observant Musing. When someone obtains a comfort zone, whether it was one created by them, for them, or with them, they are hesitant to step outside of it. They either remember how uncomfortable their life was before they came into the zone -or they forget how comfortable their life was before going into the zone.
The longer one is in the zone, the more difficult it becomes to leave it. Why? Fear sets in that there is no more comfort to be found anywhere else in the world. That is what we tell ourselves anyway. “I will never find comfort like this again.” “I may get close, but it won’t be the same.” We defeat ourselves before we try. We rationalize the best way we can, however we can, just so we don’t leave that zone.
Eventually though, the zone can become less comfortable-maybe not dramatically so, but uncomfortably so none-the-less. Then the zone may become so uncomfortable, that we must leave it, but we still don’t, because the fear of the unknown is far scarier then the discomfort. At least that is what we tell ourselves. We get to a point where we can’t let go, not out of comfort, but out of fear. So we hold on to the discomfort zone, rather than embrace the challenge of overcoming fear.
Why is it that when we consciously think about letting go of a “zone”, we see a lonely life ahead of us? Why don’t we look at letting go, in bits and pieces, like we did when we began to build our comfort zone? Why don’t we step out of, or away from, the comfort zone and let it go, one day at a time? Why don’t we say to ourselves “Today, I am going to let go, and I am only going to think about getting through today. I will not worry about tomorrow, or 10 years from now when I am 30, or 40 or 50.” ?
If we did, the next thing we’d know is, "it’s tomorrow and I have 1 day of letting go behind me". You’d think “That wasn’t so bad, or maybe you’d think, “That was really horrible.” But the fact would still remain, that you lived through it.
After several one day increments you realize that you have a month of letting go behind you. Soon, you can’t remember what was so comfortable about the old zone anyway. But you do remember what was uncomfortable. Then, you realize that now that you have stepped out of the old zone,-really made the decision to let it go, there are indeed new zones to be explored. You may get comfortable sooner than you thought. You find that you actually have to schedule on your calendar which zone will be explored on what date. While exploring the different zones for a more comfortable fit, you accidently happen upon one particular zone that is more like you, and more comfortable for you, then the old zone was. You are amazed that you didn’t even have to change time zones to get in the new zone.
You find that the new zone welcomes in your mindset, talents, and short-comings, because the new zone has them too, or ones that are very similar!!!! The new zone communicates to you and with you, because yes, some zones enjoy communicating. In communicating with the new zone, you find ways to split the difference in short-comings. The new zone starts to feel really good to you.
With further exploration, you discover that instead of being a cold climate, the new zone is actually quite hot! The new zone is looking good to you. You tell the new zone that you are in the process of letting go, haven’t quite done it yet, but that you got the long end of the stick by finding the new zone. The new zone says the feeling is mutual.
The new zone is single and he makes it clear that you can have as much of his time that his schedule will allow (the new zone is a Doctor, so sometimes your schedules may conflict, but he says he’ll put in the effort if you will). You will! You ask the new zone how he can say that after only 2 weeks? The new zone says “A smart man knows when he has found a Queen, and how to keep her. I’m not sorry that your old zone forgot that you were a Queen.” You tell the new zone, “He didn’t forget, he never thought that I was one.” Then the new zone says “I just want to be at the front of the line that I know will form, once you really put yourself out there.” You think, “Well, maybe I won’t need to put myself out there.” But you just smile and say nothing. It is best not to get too excited and ahead of ones self, even in the most promising situations.
A tear comes to your eyes because the new zone apologizes for the old zone and all the discomfort he caused you. The new zone says “Let it go.”, and you do. You cry all over the shoulder of his nice, crisp, white, button-down shirt. And the new zone just laughs and says “I was going to wash it anyway.” Then, he takes it off…
You start to be really comfortable in the new zone. You really start to dig the new zone. The new zone is really digging on you too. The new zone says “There is one thing though.” You panic a little inside. You thought that you had kissed a lot of frogs before to find your Prince. So, certainly this time around wouldn’t be so easy, and that you will have to kiss a lot of Princes, to find your King. Then the new zone goes on to say “You have to quit smoking. Whether we are together or not, I want you to be around for a long time.” Well, Doctors do have a tendency to frown on those kinds of things. You tell the new comfort zone, “I really want to, but I will need a lot of support. I’ll need something to do with my mouth and my hands…”
The new zone laughs and says, “Well, what was that you were saying about the long end of the stick?” The new zone is funny! You laugh harder than you have in a long time, and soaking wet shirt and all-the new zone is laughing with you, not at you.
You say to yourself “Why didn’t I let go sooner?” I was wasting all that time (a life span of time it seems) in the discomfort zone, when I could have been free to let in this really, really comfortable zone.
You figure out that the fear was not that you wouldn’t find a new comfort zone, but instead the fear was- deciding what to do once you have. The fear is telling the old zone, that it is time to leave it-for better and not worse.
You find the words to say that you deserve to be comfortable, and that you deserve to be loved emotionally as well as, physically. You suddenly find the words to let the old zone know that you have faced down your fear. And, you thank the old zone for helping you understand (even if in a back-handed way) what comfort means to you.
However, before you can say all that, first, you have to let go.
Copyright 2005
One can consciously decide to let go of their career dreams. Maybe they do this because they figure out that the dream is unrealistic. Maybe the dream has become unrealistic due to time constraints, or finances, or insurmountable obstacles. Maybe people let go of their dreams, because no one supports them in it, no one thinks that they are good enough and they let others opinions of them, become more important than their opinion of themself. Maybe people let go of some dreams because they fear failure. Sometimes people let go of the fear of failure, let their dreams back in, and actually pursue them -quite successfully.
Sometimes people let go, when there has been a death of someone cherished. Even if it takes years, one eventually comes to the comprehension, that the loved one isn’t coming back. With time, and conscious effort, one lets the thoughts of “what if they were still alive, but were sleeping, and we buried him/her prematurely?” go. One finally finds the will to put away mementos and items that remind you of that person, in the back of a closet, that you will rarely enter into. Or, you finally allow yourself to bring them back out the closet that you rarely went into. You come to understand that the person may be gone, but s/he won’t be forgotten so, you need not fear the guilt of forgetting them. Because memories have a way of popping up, when you least expect them, and when you most want them. You finally are able to allow those mementos and memories to come, and to share the same space with you-without crying. You let go and you let in.
Sometimes people are too afraid to let go, and that is really the point of this Observant Musing. When someone obtains a comfort zone, whether it was one created by them, for them, or with them, they are hesitant to step outside of it. They either remember how uncomfortable their life was before they came into the zone -or they forget how comfortable their life was before going into the zone.
The longer one is in the zone, the more difficult it becomes to leave it. Why? Fear sets in that there is no more comfort to be found anywhere else in the world. That is what we tell ourselves anyway. “I will never find comfort like this again.” “I may get close, but it won’t be the same.” We defeat ourselves before we try. We rationalize the best way we can, however we can, just so we don’t leave that zone.
Eventually though, the zone can become less comfortable-maybe not dramatically so, but uncomfortably so none-the-less. Then the zone may become so uncomfortable, that we must leave it, but we still don’t, because the fear of the unknown is far scarier then the discomfort. At least that is what we tell ourselves. We get to a point where we can’t let go, not out of comfort, but out of fear. So we hold on to the discomfort zone, rather than embrace the challenge of overcoming fear.
Why is it that when we consciously think about letting go of a “zone”, we see a lonely life ahead of us? Why don’t we look at letting go, in bits and pieces, like we did when we began to build our comfort zone? Why don’t we step out of, or away from, the comfort zone and let it go, one day at a time? Why don’t we say to ourselves “Today, I am going to let go, and I am only going to think about getting through today. I will not worry about tomorrow, or 10 years from now when I am 30, or 40 or 50.” ?
If we did, the next thing we’d know is, "it’s tomorrow and I have 1 day of letting go behind me". You’d think “That wasn’t so bad, or maybe you’d think, “That was really horrible.” But the fact would still remain, that you lived through it.
After several one day increments you realize that you have a month of letting go behind you. Soon, you can’t remember what was so comfortable about the old zone anyway. But you do remember what was uncomfortable. Then, you realize that now that you have stepped out of the old zone,-really made the decision to let it go, there are indeed new zones to be explored. You may get comfortable sooner than you thought. You find that you actually have to schedule on your calendar which zone will be explored on what date. While exploring the different zones for a more comfortable fit, you accidently happen upon one particular zone that is more like you, and more comfortable for you, then the old zone was. You are amazed that you didn’t even have to change time zones to get in the new zone.
You find that the new zone welcomes in your mindset, talents, and short-comings, because the new zone has them too, or ones that are very similar!!!! The new zone communicates to you and with you, because yes, some zones enjoy communicating. In communicating with the new zone, you find ways to split the difference in short-comings. The new zone starts to feel really good to you.
With further exploration, you discover that instead of being a cold climate, the new zone is actually quite hot! The new zone is looking good to you. You tell the new zone that you are in the process of letting go, haven’t quite done it yet, but that you got the long end of the stick by finding the new zone. The new zone says the feeling is mutual.
The new zone is single and he makes it clear that you can have as much of his time that his schedule will allow (the new zone is a Doctor, so sometimes your schedules may conflict, but he says he’ll put in the effort if you will). You will! You ask the new zone how he can say that after only 2 weeks? The new zone says “A smart man knows when he has found a Queen, and how to keep her. I’m not sorry that your old zone forgot that you were a Queen.” You tell the new zone, “He didn’t forget, he never thought that I was one.” Then the new zone says “I just want to be at the front of the line that I know will form, once you really put yourself out there.” You think, “Well, maybe I won’t need to put myself out there.” But you just smile and say nothing. It is best not to get too excited and ahead of ones self, even in the most promising situations.
A tear comes to your eyes because the new zone apologizes for the old zone and all the discomfort he caused you. The new zone says “Let it go.”, and you do. You cry all over the shoulder of his nice, crisp, white, button-down shirt. And the new zone just laughs and says “I was going to wash it anyway.” Then, he takes it off…
You start to be really comfortable in the new zone. You really start to dig the new zone. The new zone is really digging on you too. The new zone says “There is one thing though.” You panic a little inside. You thought that you had kissed a lot of frogs before to find your Prince. So, certainly this time around wouldn’t be so easy, and that you will have to kiss a lot of Princes, to find your King. Then the new zone goes on to say “You have to quit smoking. Whether we are together or not, I want you to be around for a long time.” Well, Doctors do have a tendency to frown on those kinds of things. You tell the new comfort zone, “I really want to, but I will need a lot of support. I’ll need something to do with my mouth and my hands…”
The new zone laughs and says, “Well, what was that you were saying about the long end of the stick?” The new zone is funny! You laugh harder than you have in a long time, and soaking wet shirt and all-the new zone is laughing with you, not at you.
You say to yourself “Why didn’t I let go sooner?” I was wasting all that time (a life span of time it seems) in the discomfort zone, when I could have been free to let in this really, really comfortable zone.
You figure out that the fear was not that you wouldn’t find a new comfort zone, but instead the fear was- deciding what to do once you have. The fear is telling the old zone, that it is time to leave it-for better and not worse.
You find the words to say that you deserve to be comfortable, and that you deserve to be loved emotionally as well as, physically. You suddenly find the words to let the old zone know that you have faced down your fear. And, you thank the old zone for helping you understand (even if in a back-handed way) what comfort means to you.
However, before you can say all that, first, you have to let go.
Copyright 2005
posted by Naylene at 3:01 PM
3 Comments:
Hi there, nice writing.
Not sure if this is fiction or fact, but I hope you do manage to summon the strength to quit smoking!
I've just started a blog about it if you need some help or tips.
Maybe you can make it a new years resolution!
Naylene~
What magnificent inspiration. I wrote a autobiographical/fiction piece called "The Things in the Closet" which is about letting go as well. I am bookmarking your site, because I am enjoying peeking into your mind a bit. You're a brilliant writer.
BG.
BG, thank you so much for your comment, IT is inspiring to me.
Please do come back. I can only hope each time you do, you will be continued to be moved...in some form or another. ;O)
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