Observant Musing-The Black Turtleneck

I was around downtown, killing some time when I spied a head of me, a sporty blue car come to a pause in front of a mailbox. I witnessed the hand and wrist of a man as it reached out of his car window to deposit some mail in the box.

I couldn’t see much more of him then his wrist and hand. However on that wrist, I noticed that he sported a sophisticatedly, simple silver-metal watch. It reminded me that fine jewelry applied sparingly on a man is very sexy. Just above his wrist was a bit of a crisply, starched, cuffed-shirt sleeve in the color black. That little bit of arm appeared tailored and stylish. As I watched him covertly from behind, I wondered if this man was truly stylish, or if it was the miracle of black, and my distance from him, that merely created the illusion that he was such. Hmmmm....

It got me to thinking-and gentlemen listen up, I am about to give you some advice that could change your luck, and thus your life. As it is now that time of year when winter clothing adorns your bodies, there is a staple for your wardrobe that you should know about. If you are tailored, and polished, then you probably already do. What is that one must have staple for the gentlemen’s wardrobe, you may ask? It is a well fitting black turtleneck. If you only buy one piece of clothing, this season let that be it.

You will suddenly find that women notice you. You will be walking down the street minding your own business, but you will begin to feel the heavy weight of hundreds and hundreds-ok, maybe 10’s and 10’s of eyes resting upon your shoulders, and making their way up to your eyes, and possibly back down your shoulders, all they way to your shoes. Doesn’t that sound nice?

I have a thing for a man in a black turtleneck. All my men have known this, and it has almost become a prerequisite to being with me, to have one in his wardrobe.
Now, pair that black turtleneck with a well groomed goatee, and I will be all over him like white on rice. Why that combo turns me on like it does, I don’t know. I can only speculate on a few reasons:

1)I am a throwback to the 60’s and that cool beatnik style that I was not yet born to appreciate and participate in. Thus, I live vicariously through that fashion sensibility now.

2)That I have dreams of Shaft and the machismo that he exudes which turns me on and makes me want the ‘shaft’.

3)That I am an undercover New Yorker, and like all things black.

4)That they are simply a miracle garment, much like the “A” line skirt for women, and that no matter the wearer, it can’t help but do a body good.

Throughout time, the black turtleneck has achieved legendary status. Think: Steve McQueen, Sean Connery and Richard Roundtree. Where would they be if they hadn’t been donning a black turtleneck?

Several years ago, I purchased a quality one for my current/ex, and per my request they have been a staple in his wardrobe ever since. He looks very good anyway, but when sporting a black turtleneck, he is super doper hot! I can only “allow” him to wear it when he is with me.

Now, we are contemplating the possible or obvious demise of our relationship, which would mean that he will be free to wear those damn black turtlenecks whenever he pleases.

I find myself not-so-absurdly thinking, that since Spring fashions are now appearing on store shelves, that this would be a good time to take all his turtlenecks and either cut them to bits, or burn them. Then, he won’t be able to wear them, or by new ones to wear… with someone else.

Of all the things that I could bear, for some reason, that is one thing that I can not. Not yet.

Copyright 2006